Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2008, at 21:16:04
I've been browsing "The Art of the Question". I think it probably costs too much for me to consider buying right now, even used. And maybe I'm just in the right mood for it. It's no Yalom. And it doesn't reach out and grab me.
Yet there are several things I've found that I really really like. I have trouble with cognitive behavior therapy sometimes. And I start laughing whenever I say anything that reminds me of Stuart Smalley. But these are techniques I think I can use, because they don't seem artificial to me.
The overall idea is that it's the questions we ask that can change our lives. And that the sort of questions we ask can influence how we see things. Behaviors and statements can be thought of as answers to unspoken questions, and speaking and forming the questions can help a lot.
There's a part about how messing up is often thought of as failure, but if you think of it in this context, with an inquiring mind, they can be just part of learning.
She talks about how just changing the questions from close ended ones to open ended ones can help us feel less hopeless. From a yes/no "Is there anything that I can do about this" to "What can I do about this" or something like that. I forget exactly.
And as in opinion polls, that how you ask the question can influence the answer. "Why am I such a screwup?" is likely to lead to a different answer than "What can I do differently next time?"
I think the part I like is that I'm not forcing thoughts on myself. I'm way more willing to question myself than I am to repeat affirmations, because I'm way too stubborn for affirmations to work well with me.
And while it certainly isn't a new thought to me, I like her explanation about the difference between facts and conclusions. And how it's largely conclusions masking themselves as facts that make us unhappy. Like if you think of someone as stabbing you in the back, it's different than thinking that someone said xxxx about you to a mutual friend. The first is way more highly charged, and contains some conclusions. While simply reporting the facts is cooler, and allows for questions into what happened.
I'm paraphrasing a lot, and might have gotten it wrong. Maybe I do need to buy it someday. :)
poster:Dinah
thread:814332
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/814332.html