Posted by estrellita on February 21, 2008, at 0:09:28
In reply to Re: Crush on psychologist in training, posted by estrellita on December 4, 2007, at 23:38:36
Thought I would update since last time I posted I hadn't had another session since telling my psychologist I had a crush on him...in writing. That was a few months ago, and things are definitely better now. At the session following my letter, we had the whole "nothing can happen, it's against legal, ethical, etc. boundaries, blah blah." It was a little embarrassing, and more than a little nervewracking, to show up at that session. But I'm still glad I put it out there, because I hate hiding things like that and pretending things are different than they actually are. One thing he mentioned really annoyed me, though - obviously he and his supervisor talked a lot about what I'd written, and he said how his supervisor has had to deal with this issue as well. For whatever reason, I didn't like that - I got this image of him and the supervisor sitting around saying "yeah, that's how it is with female patients, we're irresistable, it happens." So I am totally making that up, but in some ways it felt like he was treating it as a rite of passage if that makes any sense.
Anyway, that's basically behind us, except that I still think he's a good-looking and intelligent guy. The crush has waned a little, but mostly because it had to in order to continue working with him. It's frustrating to meet someone like that and not be able to pursue a friendship at all. This therapy stuff makes for really bizarre interpersonal interactions in my opinion.
Finally, I can't help but wonder what he thinks about me when (if?) he's not in professional psychologist mode. Probably I am projecting this onto him, wondering what he's like in everyday life. But I do wonder if he thinks about me as a person, not just a client. I feel like he is being super conscious of boundaries, and I wonder why that is since apart from telling him about my crush I haven't done anything to test them in any way (that I know of). I wonder if he has his own crush, or what. It's like he's being too careful sometimes to stay quite distant. With my last psychologist she would laugh openly at my jokes, express empathy, etc. This guy seems like he is purposefully holding back much of the time. That makes me wonder if he's feeling like he has to work really hard to maintain boundaries, because outside of therapy they would easily break down.
Just some thoughts...I hate that he's not someone I can talk to as a friend. It's all very structured CBT exercises, and then I leave and wish this guy was a friend I could just talk to, and listen to as well.
The weirdest thing to me is that, after a session or two, you can't EVER be friends with a therapist. ??!! That is something that is hard for me to accept. Unless you see someone you don't really like, part of therapy seems to include forming a close relationship with someone who, at some point, you'll have to stop seeing cold turkey and never interact with again. Not very healing, or healthy.
Thanks for letting me vent...
poster:estrellita
thread:797201
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/813855.html