Posted by sunnydays on January 22, 2008, at 15:00:23
I went to T... was very quiet. T said it looked like I had something on my mind. I said, "Maybe." A few minutes later I said, "No, I'm fine." He was just sitting there quiet... he nodded. Then I said, "You should get ESP, I'm having a whole conversation with you in my head!" And he said, "Unfortunately that's not one of the skills I have!" I was quiet a while longer and I said, "If I say I was upset that you weren't there, then I have to admit that you're important to me." We talked some I think, with lots of quiet in between, and he remarked that that's nothing new, we both have known for a while that he's important to me.
So that maybe it's not about him and I, it's about something else. And he asked me if I understood what he meant, and I said yes, and he said to tell him if I disagreed. And asked what I thought it was about. And I told him a memory I was having after a lot of silence and encouraging. And he said, "That's a horrible way to be treated." And I was quiet for a while and sad and he remarked on that and asked if I was feeling sad about what had happened, and I said yes. And we talked more than that, I just don't remember except kind of in fragments.
And then I told him not to get offended, and he said, "Ok. I have little kids, so I don't get offended easily. They say pretty mean things sometimes." I said that I thought it was mad because when I was crying when he was gone I kept saying, "I hate you," and I thought that was mad. And I hid behind a pillow. And he told me it was ok a couple times and he asked me to look at him, and I did and he said that he was really proud of me and that there wasn't even a tiny place in him that had madness or offendedness, that he was really proud of me and that he really admires that I always say what is true for me.
But even thinking about that I keep wanting to hide. I don't know what this is about. Some deep shame or something I guess. Anyway, wanted to put that out there and also just record at least some of the session for myself.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:808353
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080114/msgs/808353.html