Posted by muffled on December 5, 2007, at 13:06:57
I started a new med. I dunno if its med, or me, or physical health.
Dunno.
Feel like my brains not working so good.
Risperdal. Dunno if I wanto continue w/it if it gonna make me dense(er).
Then today too, I seem to be having some emotions, they are closer to the surface.
I am so unsued to anything but the most very muted emotions. They are so muted its almost like I observe my emots rather than actually feel them.
Actually feeling them SUCKS. Cuz them I seem to start feeling them more and more, and diff ones, and I get confused. They are not super powerful I don't suppose, I just not used to them.
It starts to overwhelm me......not a good state of affairs...thats when poor coping mechanisms kick in.
So I post bout my good session, mebbe that'll make me feel better.
Its not helping matters that I just heard that two young people were killed this morning, not far from here.
I cannot even begin to imagine how their families feel.
I would rather have all the bad sh*t thats happened to me, happen a hundred times over than to lose a child.
I hate emotions.
They suck.
They suck so bad.
I love my babies so much.
I wish that nothing would ever hurt them.
But I can't protect them from everything.
If I am not there, how can my rage protect them from anything?
I digress.
I will post happy things.
I will do right things.
M
poster:muffled
thread:798936
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/798936.html