Posted by rskontos on November 5, 2007, at 20:27:35
In reply to Thx ((TG)) I posted below (nm), posted by Muffled on November 5, 2007, at 18:58:24
Muffled, you know I think or rather I know I have some dark angry ones deep inside me too. My sister and I have been talking about what we remember and what we don't. She has memories I don't have in which I am but don't remember I guess because it is too scary. She has had doctors ask her about old injuries to her bones and skull of which she has no memories. She and I speculate about our mothers rages and we know that she probably hurt us but we don't remember it because we dissociated and someone else inside has those memories. I know my mother was capable of it. When I found about about my mother's rape it was like I was unawaken from a deep sleep in which she has some provocative hold over me even though she has been dead now for 20 years. My sister and I don't remember being with her either. I have no real memories of her and my sister says hers are like a fragmented broken mirror. I suspect that when all my inners are released there will be many that are VERY hurt and mad. One night last week I invited them to the surface and I had had a triggered with a neighbor that reminded me of my mother and one of her rages and I heard a very angry voice cursing and saying b*tch over and over again. There was several vague images, a very pretty one, but several smaller hurt and angry ones. My H said something to me and I lost them. They haven't surfaced since. I guess it takes time for all to feel more comfortable with surfacing. My point is I can relate to the deep down anger inside. I have it too and it is surfacing every day. That is too way I am worried about inlaws coming because I am angry at the way they have treated me and I have allowed it. I am tired about the way too many adults have treated me both as a child and an adult. I am angry deep inside and on the surface. So I do understand. If I am not angry I am depressed and anxious about it. It is a hard path we follow now. All I can do is related. I care about you muffled. We are special people though and deserved peace. Maybe we can find some together! All of us on Babble highly deserve some peace. rk
poster:rskontos
thread:793397
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071105/msgs/793492.html