Posted by B2chica on October 12, 2007, at 11:12:37
In reply to Re: confusing feelings about T...not good fit?, posted by muffled on October 12, 2007, at 9:15:53
man...depression is going strong today.
it started first thing this morning, didn't even want to get outta bed. then IRL littleone started crying and had to.
i noticed that if i'm taking care or tending to IRL littleone i'm not quite so bad...but the MINUTE i don't have to, i drop like a rock.
i mean even the minute i drop her off at daycare i plummet.and now (sorry muffy) i think teen retreated and will not come out again.
******SI TRIGGER*******
and i was so sad last night i cut...not badly but SI'd nonetheless.
on one hand i just don't want to cuz i have enough scars that i'll have to somehow explain to IRL kid dont' need anymore. but sometimes i just want to...(to not get graphic) i want to SEVERELY injure myself. with as much destruction and pain possible. so for me even a little SI is not good since it tends to escalate really quickly.hmmmm kinda sounds like the two are related huh. teen leaving and need to SI??? afterall, i DID used to cut when i was 14...which is about how old i think 'teen' is.
i think part of her not coming back out is attitude, but mostly i think she just really feeling hurt, sad, and hopeless bout herself.
*****************
and you been Great Help muffly.
and i don't know if its that i WANT to stop seeing T, as much as i think i might actually be too depressed to go. just dont wanna talk...wasted $$ ya know. i feel like my body jus dragging on ground.
dont really care much bout anything. dont have energy to give effort.
poster:B2chica
thread:788496
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071009/msgs/788699.html