Posted by Dory on September 18, 2007, at 8:11:30
In reply to Re: a new twist to therapy today **trigger** » Dory, posted by RealMe on September 17, 2007, at 23:48:51
no need for apologies, honest.
no, it isn't like that at all. This is all me, adult me. i have never experienced anything that i would consider being a child or anything. i have found it interesting that people do, i like to learn about what other people experience.
this is more what i would call quiet-me... you see, i feel kind of divided a lot. i tell my T that it's like two people arguing. It's not an alter or anything, it's all me and i know me in each state. But the difference is sometimes little and sometimes huge. A spectrum i guess, with the public-me at one end and the quiet-me at the other. If i am quiet-me i avoid interaction and people rarely get to meet that part of me. That's what confused me i think.
i sometimes refer to that side of me as the real me, but i think what i mean is that you can't meet the real me without that side too. The public-me is bolder, talkative, and a crowd-pleaser in many ways.
not being able to express what i feel or think is partially because the other side of the argument drowns it out. To me it's a little like left-brain vs right-brain... speech centre is in the left so everything we "hear" in our heads gets interpreted by the left side. That's why things like drawing or other rightbrain activities are often effective in therapy. Split brain patients fascinate me. i saw one lady in a documentary in class once, she would reach into the closet with one hand to get what she thought she wanted to wear, but the other hand would reach in and pick out something else. Cool eh?
i'm not saying i switch from left to right, but it's a good analogy.
i've also referred to it as thinking-me vs feeling-me... and one has trouble "getting" the other. Thinking me has all the language. When i try to express feelings i often lose my words. Feeling-me or quiet-me just can't make sense of it even though the connection to the feelings is stronger. i think once my T understands this, if he agrees with me, i think it will get better because i think both of us will have a better chance of adapting. i won't be as confused and he, hopefully will learn how to shift gears with me. In my letter i am asking/begging him to guide me more during those times because quiet-me is more shy and less forward... i want him to question me more then. i will answer as best i can, but i don't think i could direct the session at those times.
i don't know. i could be way off base in what i think about this. Like i said, it's not two people really, but it's just easier to describe it that way.
i am so very sorry that those states are so painful for you.. i won't say i am sorry they happen because i am guessing they need to happen. It is such a good thing you and your T understand what happens and can deal with it. That takes a lot of trust. It also takes a lot of ovaries to share it here. i appreciate your doing so.
poster:Dory
thread:783553
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070916/msgs/783690.html