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scared I guess **violence trigger**

Posted by muffled on September 17, 2007, at 13:33:00

Just a general notice to all of cyberspace.....
I wouldn't NEVER EVER hurt my T.
But...........I might try an scare her some :-(
But I warned her.
So it should be OK.
So I can chill and not sweat it.
She will react in ways that will not trigger me.
She tough, she calm.
Just if I get scared, the response is to protect.
Old habits die hard.
You can take the kid outta the street, but you can't get the street outta the person.
Ingrained, trained responses. Pavlovs dogs.
Eat the weak.
The strong survive.
Etc etc.
I got WAY tooooo much DUMB crap still rolling around in my head.
I trust my T.....mostly. You can't never trust noone all the way.
**trigger**
I had a dream once, quite a while ago. I held a knife to my T's throat, and said, 'so, you think God's gonna save ya?????, are you SCARED????' In the dream she was perfect. No fear. Total acceptance. No anger. She still cared. She didn't hate me. She didn't fear me.
Sigh.
Dreams aren't real.
Woke up in a sweat though.
Sh*t.
I wonder if this is all worth it?
:-(

 

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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070916/msgs/783473.html