Posted by DAisym on August 27, 2007, at 10:22:56
In reply to What is with the flounce posts?, posted by Maria01 on August 27, 2007, at 0:09:15
I think I understand why Maria would have the question...she is (I think - I never know anymore with all the name changes)fairly new to Babble and perhaps hasn't seen the cycles the board goes through. And it seems to me that there are definate cycles. And I've wondered about the motivation for many posts over the years myself. It has taken me awhile to "bite my tongue" and not reply because there is no real gentle (or civil way) to ask "do you really mean that?" -- I hear my therapist's tone of voice when I write out that question because it is something he asks me a lot. He says it in a way that invites reflection, not defensiveness.
Just like when we get upset in therapy, where our inclination might be to quit, pull back or be quiet, I think we can get reach for those same coping mechanisms here too. And just like in therapy, we need help to sort out what we are really trying to communicate -- it might be "I'm hurting" or "I'm angry" or "someone do something-- anything to make this better!" Or it might really be "I need a break." It is tempting, I think, to want to help someone look at what they've written, to ask them, "is this old?" or "what evidence do you have to support your feelings -- and if it is minimal, is this transference?" But this is very hard to do and stay civil. Because you can't hear "tone" on Babble and posts can sound harsh or judgemental or even manipulative and that isn't the poster's intention. I write this firmly aware that this may be one of those posts that can be misconstrued. I hope it is received as intended -- not to defend any one poster or position, but rather as an historical perspective from somone who has been around this block a few times.
I'd like to suggest, under the civility guidelines as well, that the poster who feels like leaving also doesn't make assumptions about what we fellow posters can or can't handle or why we may or may not be posting to a particular thread. I sometimes am made to feel bad in that way too, because my life is getting in the way of posting time. Using I-statements may not be enough. Asking questions and being open to the answers might be better.
As always, I think every poster needs to take care of themselves, do what is safest for them and not let Babble, which is supposed to be helpful, become another hurtful endeavor.
Daisy
poster:DAisym
thread:778977
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070822/msgs/779030.html