Posted by slugdoo on August 8, 2007, at 13:22:47
Wow, what a day! Well for one thing there is NO way I could ever be attracted to my new T, lol, he is an old geezer who doesn't have sexy legs, so that is good I think. LOL
But he has a sense of humor that I love, is caring and gentle, and smart too. He figured out who my old T was, I didn't want to say right away. We talked a bit about what happend, he didn't say too much yet, as he was taking info down about everything. BUt he did say good for me for doing what was best for me. He told me about that stuggle a lot of T's have with boundries.
But I made it clear I don't want to hear about his prostrate problems, his heart problems, and if he danced naked in the middle of his university while getting his Phd, unless I ask, then I still don't want him to tell me. LOL He understood, and said he sometimes will use stories to help, but he will respect my wishes and won't go as far as my old T (that still sound weird to say that.
He let me talk and boy did I talk like crazy. He asked about my childhood, past emdr, and present. He said told me that I am right, it is very important to get all my sh*t out of me, if I will be working with others. He is honored to work with me he said, because I am so willing.
He knows about my "crying issue", my performance anxiety, my past PTSD and what brought it on, he knows my old T, he knows about my last session with my T. It was a long session, like 1 1/2 hours, maybe they do that for the first session because it does cost more. I know I am forgetting to tell you most of everyhing. But all and all I feel good about this and relieved. I asked him if I should see my old T for a last session. He told me I should right him a letter so my old T won't become defensive (LOL he KNOWS my T , that is for sure) But I don't like paper trails so I called him this afternoon.
I left a message on his machine, actually 2 messages because his dang machine will only record so much. I told him how much he had changed me and helped me so much and how he means a great deal to me. I am such a better person because of him. I told him how much I will be grateful for everything and in spite of the problems we have had, I still think he is a neat guy who I would still love to have a cup of tea with. I told him I would like to hear from him to let me know he got my message and to let me know everything will be okay between us because we see each other at the gym sometimes. I told him I wanted to say these things in person, but I am a chicken sh*t, with performance anxiety.
I told him at the end that once I am better and I play my next solo in front of an audience, I am dedicating it to him.I always thought our last session would be different, but I am okay with it I believe. Even though he hurt me very much and made me angry I still feel a connection to him that I think will be with me forever. I still love him dearly.
Now it is time for part 2, is what my new T said. New horizons for me. I am happy and sad too. My new T is on vacation next week, so I will see him in 2 weeks. So thats that.
One last thing, I asked him if all T's are crazy people, and he said there is a saying, "The best T is someone who has been f*cked up themselves at one point or another". (something like that) lol
poster:slugdoo
thread:774815
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/774815.html