Posted by slugdoo on August 1, 2007, at 17:07:19
It is hard for me to access the worst memories. I have a great defense system in place, so I thought if I went back to the area were a lot of the abuse happened, it would help me.
Well I realize I have a lot of really happy and good memories too, not of my parents, but of my friends and growing up.
Well first thing I forgot about my hometown (lots of Amish), was the smell of horse sh*t! lol That stuff smells really bad and you can't avoid it either in the roads. Yuck! The town doesn't clean it either, it just washes away with the rain or gets on the wheels of the cars.
I drove down my dirt road, very hilly road, you can't see over the hills, kinda like going up the first hill of a rollar coaster. I remember my first car accident when I was 16, I was hit head on by an idiot boy from school named "spook".
Went by my house, it looked the same except now there was a garage built. But I saw the mullberry tree I used to climb and the path leading into the woods. I spent a lot of time there, it brought me comfort even now. I guess it could be my safe place. There are cows and horses all over looking at us, because there was NOBODY the entire road that went by, I didn't even see any of the old amish neighbors! lolThen at the end of the road is an old amish cememtary that me and my friends would sneak up to at night with our flashlights to scare the geebers out of us. Then we went past the old pond where my brother and me would catch frogs and salamanders under rocks. My kids loved seeing all the stuff, it is so different than the city we live in.
Then we went into town and saw the elementary school I attend, it looks sooo small. I knew all the secret access around the town so I could bypass on of the largest tourist traps around. We went through one of the largest flea markets in the US. Bought some cool magnet jewerly with semi-precious stone beads. FOund a cool garden decoration of a sun and it had a hand painted face on it made in Mexico.
Found a cool shop that sold Inga handblowned glass ormaments made in Germany that I collect. BOGO sale!We drove past many of the old "makeout" places that I remember, well of course I didn't tell my kids about that. Saw cheese being made, and bought a bunch to take home! YUm! butter cheese and garlic cheese! soooo yummy! Had a yummy old fashioned lunch and came home.
I think it helped me feel more , but it also gave me a chance to have some great memories with my own kids. Plus my kids had a great time and I sort of made up for the not so great mom I have been lately. I realized that when I am with just my kids and not my husband, I am truely happy. I don't think I can stay in this marriage for much longer, it is ruining my spirt.
I realized something, that we need to get in better shape walking if we are going to Disney in Dec. My feet are killing me! I am going to lay down and chill out with at least a smile on my face. I had a good day.
poster:slugdoo
thread:773372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070726/msgs/773372.html