Posted by slugdoo on July 23, 2007, at 15:49:17
I have a lot to tell you and I need for you to just listen because what I have to say is hard for me and I need to tell you all of this.
Over the last week since EMDR, I realize I can't stop the poisen from contaminating my present life. I am trying so hard but I can't stop it and I need your help.
I know you feel I am doing so well and all, and in areas I am doing well. Sometimes I want to believe you that I am okay, but deep down I know there is more that is bothering me.
I feel I am able to trust you because I know you and I need your help. I am not living up to my potential because my past is effecting my future even when I pretend the evil stuff didn't happen to me.
I have a lot of poisen inside of me, stuff that is really aweful, and I don't want to expose you to it, but I have to get it out of me, and I trust with your experience it will be okay to hear it.
I need to do EMDR but it frightens me to death. All my life I have tried to pretend that nothing happened to me. It was for survial physically and mentally, it did make me strong in some ways. But now I have to deal with it. EMDR makes me face it, the stuff I spend decades trying to not remember or believe. I want to live the life I am capable of having. I want a sucessful career and if I will be working with people, I dont' want "my stuff" to get in the way with that work.
I may need you more than ever, I can't just do EMDR one day and then see you in a week, I need a session either right after the EMDR to talk about the sh*t, or the next day.
This week has been very long for me, I am so distracted. I am forgeting to eat meals, I almost got into another car accident today because my mind floats away. I don't care what it will cost because I know that is always a concern for you , but look what the evil poisen had cost me already. I have nobody to help me through this stuff at home, so I need your help more than ever. This will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do, but I am glad I have a T like you to help me. I really need you right now.
Love,
Slugdoo
poster:slugdoo
thread:771414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/771414.html