Posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 22:57:40
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist » Maria01, posted by sunnydays on July 4, 2007, at 22:36:40
I hope she does, too.
Here is what made the whole thing so heartbreaking.....she had always told me that she would not leave, that I would never be too "troublesome" or "high maintenace(sp?)" for her, nor would I ever be a burden, and that I could open up on my own time. I did my fair share of questioning and testing, but no more than anyone else would. I feel like we were able to form an excellent bond.
In the three months before termination, I was laid off from my job as a vet. technician. I had loved that job and figured I would stay there for the rest of my working life. I loved my co-workers, my boss, and the animals I worked with. Shortly after losing my job, my car was stolen and never recovered. These were both huge losses for me, and I also had to deal with the financial ramifications.Needless to say, I got horribly depressed, and even suicidal at one point. I was terrified of being homeless due to the job loss(my salary didn't allow for savings) and all kinds of things. My T and I had some bumpy moments, but I feel like it was par for the course. It definitely shifted our work from historical stuff to more "here-and-now" survival mode.
About a month before my termination, when I was dealing with all these losses, her attitude toward me changed considerably. She became short and impatient, and sometimes rude. She became increasingly confrontational at a time when I could least afford the discomfort that went with that...I was just concentrating on finding new work, making ends meet, and finding another car, all while still paying the note on the car that was stolen.
Our second-to-last session was horrible. I finally said to her "I don't feel safe right now. first, I get laid off, then my car is stolen, and now I feel like I'm losing my only safety net. What is happening? I sometimes cannot not stand it when it's like this because it feels so unsafe."
that's when she dropped her little "Sometimes I can't stand working with you!" bombshell. I was so shocked that I couldn't do or say anything, and then I regained my footing and tried to talk to her about it. She seemed really angry; her cheeks were flushed, even.The following week, the one person who said she would never leave, and that I was never "too much" for her, handed me a termination letter and I was out the door. I tried everything I could in the days preceeding the appointment to keep the lines of communication open, beacause I really felt the t-relationship could withstand and eventually prevail.
I was so wrong and I'm devastated. Whoever said losing a therapist is worse than losing a loved one is spot-on! I had become all that I feared I would be to her: burdensome, too much, too high-maint. The fact that I will never see this person again devastates me. Whichever new T I work with will need to understand that I'm grieving and will need some room to do so. I spoke with one on the phone; she was horrified at how the termination was handled, so yeah.
I'm so glad this board is here...I wish I had known about it earlier. I feel like the term is somehow my fault, and I feel so guilty...haunted by a lot of "what if" and "if only" type stuff. I'm sure it will pass, but for now, it really hurts. Despite the horrific ending, I really miss my T..
poster:Maria01
thread:767675
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070628/msgs/767746.html