Posted by DAisym on July 4, 2007, at 13:57:33
In reply to Re: I hate being angry with my T :-( » DAisym, posted by 10derheart on July 4, 2007, at 11:33:48
I'm glad he responded and wants to hear from you what is so upsetting, instead of "just" assuming he knows. The phone is one thing - interruptions and all that. But bringing his family into your session is a whole other level.
For me, it reminds me how "false" things are - not that the feelings aren't real, but that the relationship is so prescribed and restricted. I can "need" him - but I can't have him right when I need him - like you said.
The realities of the relationship work because of the magic of those walls. I walk through the door and things are suspended - I can open up to this whole other side of myself because the world can't intrude and judge it. He and I work in the cacoon of safety and when it is breached it hurts unbelievably bad. Again, for me, I feel so alone and kind of stupid to have invested so much of myself in someone who isn't really mine.
It makes me understand those people who don't want to know anything about their therapist. They keep the therapy space clean of all of that. Last summer I accidentally stumbled across my therapist's yellow page ad. I might have (probably did) post about it. It was a very cute picture of him and his wife, in the traditional "couple" pose and the ad talked about couples therapy, etc. I freaked out completely. They looked so happy and I wasn't doing couples therapy with him so this wasn't what he really wanted to do...it was awful. And then I saw the two of them doing their grocery shopping together like a week later. They didn't see me... It was so painful and I felt so silly but I just couldn't force myself to not be upset. It took weeks to get back to "my" issues - though what I ultimately learned about myself and my fears was valuable.
I know how scary this is and how double-sided. It will take a lot of talking and forced honesty. But it will be worth it. The relationship is worth it.
And I'm glad you have Babble too. :)
poster:DAisym
thread:766930
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070628/msgs/767613.html