Posted by muffled on May 31, 2007, at 23:48:40
Some do not agree on my stance with SI.
I do NOT beleive MY thots are good for all, or even many. I just know what it was for ME.
I will try to explain in a short way.
Took me AWHILE to get my T to understand.
But she does now.
For me at the time where I did do SI more, and badder, it was a time where I had no other USEABLE coping mechanisms. Even when I was getting trained in them, I was not able to use them, the emotions were still too strong and confusing. I still did NOT beleive they would pass. I beleived that yes, they would pass briefly, but then they would come back, and worse. And this seemed to be true and inevitable. I could not stop or control this.
:-) I can most of the time now!!!!!!!!!
But then I COULD NOT.
The emotions, the noise in my head were UTTERLY overwhelming.
I would come to a point where I HAD to make it stop.
It would come to the point where it was inevitable...
I had to SI to make it stop.
I HAD to make it stop somehow. HAD TO.
The other options I used to do, were drinking, drugs, walking in very dangerous places late at night, driving dangerously,walking staring at 'my bridge'... etc. These coping mechanisms had the potential for serious injury or death.
The SI caused some damage, but comparatively minimal. AND IT WORKED. It ended up breaking the buildup. It purged me somehow. And the effect lasted for days. Looking at the stitches gave me what I needed to go on for even longer.
So
For ME, given the alternative, SI was OK to use if I HAD to, as a LAST resort, to cope UNTIL I learned better ways.
The 'OTHER" methods, red pen, ice cube, elastic on wrist(my fav) sometimes would work early on, esp for dissociation, but for times when I was desperate, then it called for really strong measures, when I am at that point, the 'other' ways are positively farcical in their uselessness, sorta like trying to put out a forest fire with a dixie cup and a little plastic pail of water....
So
I DO NOT condone SI EXCEPT as a last resort, when the alternatives to doing it, are a high risk of far more serious injury or death, either on purpose, or by 'accident'.
I rarely SI now. I don't need to. I am so glad of that.
But I respect that SI was there when I needed it, it was a tool that very possibly saved my life.
Its a complicated subject, cuz I think there are SO many reasons why people SI. But I guess the key is to working to be able to no longer do it. Cuz there IS potential for some danger, infection, etc. You have to learn to put up with the scars, and lying about them, I hate lying.....
But I did what I had to do to survive.
I am not ashamed.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:760707
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/760707.html