Posted by gazo on May 25, 2007, at 16:44:44
ok, i suck.. you're all right.. i can't leave, i am addicted. So it's bad news for babble that i am back but good news for me. i forewarn you all that i am in a state of "me me me!" which is why i felt i should leave... didn't/don't feel that is good in a community.
as per usual my life is chaos but i don't know any different anyway. Can't/won't post things about my home situation cept in chat.. i regret posting some stuff already. In fact, there's a lot going on i can't post because it's too identifying... crap.
9 days until my T comes back.. and i am not saying i am all cured and don't need to be in therapy. That's be a lie.. BUT i am in a good place in a lot of ways.. some of the bad things i dreaded didn't happen.. some stuff i couldn't predict went as well as it could have.. lots of sh*t in my world but i am not in as bad a crisis.. so i am seriously wondering if being in therapy is the best idea right now. i mean, if i am doing ok - ie not flipping out - shouldn't i wait? Before he went i was like a kid, need need need... now i am at least to my knees.
plus there's the whole disconnect and trust thing. i'll be back to where we were weeks and weeks ago. i listen to the voicemail only rarely because it doesn't have *any* emotion for me now.. he might as well been the cable guy leaving a message. It's surreal, like from a different world from the one i am in.. it's always like that when...well, when my home situation is like it is right now. Two different worlds. WIth T away during this past week he is in one universe and my probs are in another. Even if i can get back into that world i don't know how to connect with the probs and feelings from this one..
i hope you guys are in chat tonight.. i have some big dilemmas job-related and i need to get some feedback.
poster:gazo
thread:759486
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/759486.html