Posted by TherapyGirl on May 20, 2007, at 19:14:54
I decided to start a new thread with this one, since Babble has been in such a state of upheaval.
I ended up having a long talk with my T last Thursday about my ongoing issues with her church office space and my being irritated with her over her lack of response in the past (she would probably call it a job evaluation). I had planned ealrier in the week to take Daisy's advice and let it go for a few weeks. But then two nights in a row I had horrible nightmares that might be connected to possible csa. I woke up in a complete state of terror and wanted to call my T and leave her a voice mail. But I couldn't because of my irritation with her and the resulting lack of connection. So I knew then that I had to go ahead and bring it up.
We talked for a LONG time about this and she seemed more open to what I was saying and more responsive than she has been about this issue since she moved to this office 18 months ago or so. I told her that in my mind, this situation is similar to the office temperature situation. In the 22 years I've known her, she has almost always been cold in the office and I have almost always been hot. I pointed out to her that just because she was cold, she didn't try to tell me I wasn't hot -- we just experience that differently. And that we obviously experience the church setting differently, too, and her telling me she thought it was safe there was really not helpful to me. I also told her that it was not at all helpful for her to call me paranoid the week before when I was trying to explain how upset I was. I told her that I get it that she's not going to change offices on my behalf, but that I needed her to acknowledge that this office is not the best setup for me.
I also reminded her about one time when we were talking about how I sleep in my old bedroom at my parents' house and how she likened that to me revisiting the scene of a traumatic car wreck. I told her that the church thing was just about the same for me as that bedroom and in some ways it was worse because I'm more attached to her than to my parents and I don't expect to feel safe with them. I think that got through in a way it hasn't before, although I've tried to say it several times.
So it was a good talk. I can't say that I'm feeling all connected again, but I now believe we will get there. She said she heard me and she would now factor in those things when she was thinking about my reaction to her office. She admitted that she completely misread the situation and that it was due to her own stuff. She didn't say much more than that, because she said I would have to see her behavior change rather than hear her words about it.
But it's progress, right?
poster:TherapyGirl
thread:758456
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/758456.html