Posted by jost on May 20, 2007, at 12:25:14
In reply to He'll never turn off his cell phone, posted by Dinah on May 20, 2007, at 10:34:51
Your T is in the minority, at the least. I think he's wrong-- but maybe he has some good reason--even an irrational reason-- that he can't quite explain, but just feels.
My T has done things that I felt were wrong-- and really to this day think were wrong-- but he asserted his privilege to do them-- despite my deep sense of their being hurtful and wrong.
Do I accept it-- I still don't really-- but I also do-- I guess I 've decided that he has the right to define things that he will and won't do- just as I do also. If I feel that I have the right to do things he doesn't approve or feel comfortable with-- which I don't necessarily know about or justify to him.
I:"ve come to see it in terms of his needing some comfort level that's important to him in working, that permits him-- or creates the conditons that he needs--to be with me in this way. Even if I don't understand it, or find it grating or painful. - I just try to accept that- per se-- that I need him to have that comfort level, to be with me in the way I need and want-- even if that thing ins't what I need or what.
So I take it with the good-- and accept it as part of him-- and therefore all right, because all of him is all right. It's a paradox you ahve to struggle with until you see your way to accepting it-- if he's making it a condition. You know? You can't fight the parts of the other person that don t'fit with you-- once they've heard your feelings and say they can't accommodate.
So my hope is that-- despite your and my and many babblers' feelings-- you can find a way to accept that too. I say this, despite my taking strong exception to the phone myself-- on the merits. And despite my having asked my T, last week. My T, who is a training analyst, also found it quite exceptionable and not what he thought right. But ultimately, that isn't what matters.
There's going to be something-- some place where he and you don't fit, where you have to shift, or just bit the bullet and swallow it whole. Making peace with it-- digesting it without condoning or liking it--and finding some element of nutrition, however small or compensatory in it, is maybe something worth coming to, even if it takes a hard bit of bitter taste.
I'm very very sorry about the sleep problems-- I know how awful it feels to be bone tired and stressed and squeezed out by exhaustion-- are you sure you couldn't just use some seroquel for a while? It really works for me. There's also remeron at low doses-- also it works too well (for me). You just need to find a way, some way, to get sleep-- or you can't function or feel even vaguely okay. So you've got to do what it takes.
((Dinah))
Honore
poster:jost
thread:758369
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/758393.html