Posted by wishingstar on May 7, 2007, at 16:19:32
I'm thinking of writing (and sending) a letter to my old T, Anne. Those of you who have been around for a year will remember her I'm sure. For those who werent, theres lots in the archives but basically the story is... things had started to go badly in our therapy and we'd talked about me going somewhere else, but had definitely not decided on it. I got admitted to the partial hospitalization program and while there, she contacted the director of the program and told him she wouldnt be seeing me anymore. Then wouldnt respond to phone calls, etc. I'd seen her for about two years, with a 6-8month break in the middle. There was absolutely no termination, no chance to ask questions, say goodbye, nothing. I was VERY hurt and angry. It still effects me today I think.
Anyway. I'm thinking of writing her a letter. It wouldnt be an emotional letter. I'd want to say something like "I think that I need to express how this affected me for myself, and I also think that you need to hear it". I'd talk as unemotionally as possible about how I felt abandoned and I believe that her handling of the termination was unethical. It felt (and still feels) like a revictimization in a way. She chocked all my stuff up to transference, but the way she handled me in therapy and with termination mirrored my childhood very closely in many ways. I didnt just make it up. Acting like things are okay and then disappearing (as she did) was already a theme for me.
I'm trying to ask myself what my motivations are. First, I think it really would be helpful for me to get it out. Second, and maybe this is the bigger one, I really want her to get it. I sent a letter not long after but it was very angry and I doubt she really heard my words through that. But I feel like a more objective letter, 8 months later, might reach her a little more. I want her to get in her mind that what she did was wrong and that it hurt me.. even if she didnt respond.
What do you all think? Is it a smart idea? Bad idea? Setting myself up to get hurt? I just dont know. Any questions I should ask myself or things to consider are welcome.
(I'll post later about this but it does look like I'm going to be quitting with Ginny. I talked to her today and it just isnt working.)
poster:wishingstar
thread:756553
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/756553.html