Posted by annierose on May 6, 2007, at 22:33:56
In reply to Re: annierose, posted by pfinstegg on May 6, 2007, at 18:40:23
It happened in late February and we have since worked past it. My e-mails to Daisy and talking to my daughter's psychologist for a therapist point-of-view (as she is also a professor where my t went to school) helped me move forward.
With time the intensity of my feelings have subsided and it seems silly now thinking about how angry I became. I had just returned from a vacation and my t canceled 2 appointments and couldn't reschedule a request I made prior to leaving (i.e. 3 appointments went away). It wasn't a great way to start the appointment, so I sulked a bit and became quiet. I said something like, "I feel like you are pushing me away." And her reply felt cold to me, "It's not about you."
The ensuing appointments were tense as she attacked (in my opinion) my disposition as hostile and angry. I was being quiet and reflective wondering, "I missed you, didn't you miss me? And now I'm going to miss 3 appointment within the next 2 weeks ..." She didn't hear that. She kept saying, "I need you to be able to step back and see what is happening isn't about me, it's about your past." We went in circles for a couple of sessions. After I went to speak to my daughter's therapist, a calm came over me. I'm not sure it was what she said, but how she listened and acknowledged that therapist are people too - they have bad days, bad moments, or say things that come out differently than intended. Most of all, she encouraged me to continue the dialogue without necessarily bringing the topic up at the next session, to give it a rest (which was the same advice Daisy had given to me as well).
The next time I saw her there had been a beautiful snowfall. I told her all about my son (who is 8) and his delight in the giant snowflakes. I smiled as he rushed outside in his pj's soaking up the wonder of it all. It disarmed my t in such a way that we were able to talk about our rupture in a more constructive manner.
Funny, thinking about some of the things she said and I said - bring back more details that I had forgotten. She mentioned that maybe it's time for us to give the analysis a rest, maybe I should seek an outside consultation. At one session I thought she was telling me she couldn't work with me, but later I realized I misunderstood what she had said. WOW - it was a complete mess.
The bright spot that came from that --- she wanted me to trust her with all of my thoughts, especially the ones I think but do not say. She encouraged me to free associate, to really do it. Of course she had asked this in the past; now I thought I needed to prove to myself and her that I was capable of this seemingly easy and awkward task. And I'm trying, I really am.
Are you sorry you asked?
poster:annierose
thread:755956
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/756432.html