Posted by anneofkana on May 5, 2007, at 10:25:46
I have been married for 17 years and have never cheated. I did have a strong emotional affair one time and a few flirtatious encounters, but nothing on a serious nature.
I went to see t for issues in my family. I am not depressed or suicidal at all. I too am a mental health professional and realized that I needed some help.
After spending some time with him in therapy I felt like he didn't like me. I addressed this with him. He was cool and distant, much like my bio father, whom I have not seen in years. I gave t a small gift once, to break the ice and get some approval. He almost humiliated me about it, which made me seek his approval even more.
I have been through extensive intensive therapy and felt like "my" issues were resolved. Apparently not. My dh picked up on something and slipped a bugging device in my handbag. After listning to a few sessions he realized that I was very attracted to t. There was a lot of eye contact between me and t. I told him I was attracted to him and he told me he felt the same but that he was terrified of losing his liscence. A real concern in this day and time we live in. I asked him for hugs at the end of our session and they became more lingering with stroking and a brief kiss a few times.
T and I talked about it and decided that I should stay away for awhile. He didn't address the transference stuff, really. I went back after about 3 weeks. I could not stay away from him. I was becoming more obsessed with conquering him and getting his approval. I began to write him erotic poems, reading them to him during session and enjoying his trying to hide getting turned on by them. He would look at me and say, I feel the same way, you know I do, but I am terrified of the ramifications.
DH pressured me into discontinueing my sessions. I continued contact with t by phone and email. He agreed to meet me one night to discuss my feelings for him. We both had too much to drink and....... the rest is history.
I talk with him via telephone 2-3 times per week and email him the same. We meet every couple of weeks or so, when ever we can. I feel like he is a drug to me and I can't stop. I also love him even though I love my DH very much. It is all so crazy.
I don't see him anymore professionally. I do know that all of this stems from my own erotic transference stuff and his erotic countertransferece. I also know that there are some needs that we are both meeting for each other. He is not happily married, stays for the kids and material things. On the other hand, I love my husband and stay because I love him and don't want to destroy the family unit. I must admit I have thought about what it would be like to leave DH and live with t.
I am a mess and don't feel safe to go to another t to discuss it.
I have thought about leaving the city for awhile until I can get myself un-addicted, if that is a word.If my marriage was great this would not have happenend and I am having to come to terms with that too.
Please give me some feedback, I am in a deep forrest and can't see anything but trees.
I do love t and love the sex.. I know this is a bad scenerio and to make matters worse I have become friends with his wife over the past several months. I can't blame t, he is after all just a man and a human being. I don't want to see him hurt or his family.
I do want to get my life in order and be healthy. I also feel very bad about betraying my dh, who is such a wonderful man and good father. I feel bad about betraying my friendship with t's wife, who I like very much. I have gone against my beliefs, my faith, my principals and my own sence of integrity.
The only positive thing that has come out of this for me is that I am now a much less judgemental person, accepting my own failures and brokenness. I look at people in addictions much differenct, with more compassion and a deep knowing that they too are people with fractured souls in need of healing.
poster:anneofkana
thread:756025
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/756025.html