Posted by crushedout on April 22, 2007, at 14:23:24
In reply to Re: I can't stop, posted by Fallsfall on April 22, 2007, at 9:47:52
Falls,It is so nice to see you again. I love how thoughtfully you write. You make so many good points.
I basically can't decide whether I think you're right. I mean, about whether it's possible she can learn from this. You're probably right. Her defenses won't allow her to see what she's really done.
But I keep thinking about something she said to me sort of towards the end. One of the many very inappropriate pieces of information she gave to me about herself. She said that one of her biggest fears was that I would leave her and then get a new therapist and tell that therapist what a disaster she was.
OK, so now I think I'm just being vindictive, but wouldn't it be satisfying to let her know that her fear came true? If she's really afraid of that, then on some level, she fears that she really is a terrible therapist, and I can be very convincing. Maybe I can write something that will at least make her doubt herself, question herself. I can't believe I wouldn't at least be able to plant a seed. I mean, more of one than I have already.
What am I hoping to get from it? That's a good question--I'm not sure. Satisfaction, but from what? Watching her suffer? That doesn't seem nice. That can't be healthy for me.
I agree I need to do myself the favor of disentangling myself mentally from this woman again. I don't know what led to this relapse but the truth is that she has been much less a part of my mental life for the past year or so. And so this is a sudden shift backwards seemingly out of the blue.
poster:crushedout
thread:751291
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/752434.html