Posted by Honore on April 20, 2007, at 12:02:51
In reply to How quickly the tide can turn, posted by jammerlich on April 20, 2007, at 11:24:31
Jammer, you are doing great. I so admire the risks you've been taking, and the way you've taken the initiative.
It's hard at first-- but you'll get much more used to it. You'll build up that consciousness of the reality that your T (in this case) wanted to see you==-- that other people do want to be there, and value you, even if maybe, at a moment, it doesn't work out, or there's discomfort, or even misunderstanding.
There can be important steps that, over time, will help you put to rest the fear that it's the same old rejection. It isn't, even though it pulls out those old thoughts and feelings from long ago.
It's so important that you're opening up this deeper dialogue. There's so much to share with her, and to explore-- Try not to be discouraged by this disappointment -- or other moments when she might ask a question that sounds scary. I'm sure she didn't mean to equate the two things (your husband's self-deceptions and your not expressing frustration about some things you agree to do). But it may open up a larger discussion about ways that maybe you don't let people know where you are-- which may lead to more confusion and hurt for both over the long run.
I don't know exactly what she had in mind-- but I can't believe she was equating the two-- maybe just saying that we all have our ways of being less than fully honest-- of course--- and perhaps hoping you could look at how that doesn't support you-- and lead to the best communication in your relationships.
Maybe it was a bad segue? or maybe something else-- more interesting, and less hurtful than you imagine? Whatever it is, you're right to remember that you're focussing on the one bad thing, when there are so many good things to remember.
I know it's really hard. But to me, it seems like such a wonderful sign that you've moving forward, that I can't be entirely sad or worried.
{{{Jammer}}}
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:751585
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/751601.html