Posted by sunnydays on April 17, 2007, at 19:33:38
In reply to Re: feeling like a little kid » sunnydays, posted by 10derHeart on April 17, 2007, at 17:47:55
> I know. Me, too, a lot of the time. Don't know about you, but it takes a lot out of me some days to sort of travel back and forth from competent, balanced, adult who can help others, over to hurt, confused, scared little kid who needs someone else to take care of me - right now! At least that's kinda a rough description of how it goes for me at times. Lately, lots of times. And our T's can't be there all the time and it just s*cks.
**** I know. It took so much out of me to try to be competent and handle crises and do my job and go to class and be that put-together person, and I just feel absolutely drained. And I want someone to comfort me.
> I think eventually, maybe, the reality will be that we have to learn skills to self soothe and comfort the child inside. I can't see it myself yet, don't want to believe it at times, wonder how I could ever be that skilled or strong... I dunno. But where ever we go, there we are, ya' know? Not other people, even out T's can be with us inside our heads and hearts. Ultimately, like they say about birth and death, we do these really important healing things by ourselves. I guess we just keep leaning on the bond and getting the comfort and attention we need from them until......? And that's where I get stuck.
**** Yeah. And I feel like if I lean too much, he'll get sick of me and leave. I even had this awful dream last night that he didn't want to see me anymore. I just wish I could trust a little better.
> I always say 'bottomless pit of need' to my T., and he usually tries to reassure it may be deep but not bottomless. Not believing him yet. I'm sorry sunny, you sound like you're suffering with this more lately. Does your T. offer any suggestions?
**** He's trying to get me to see that a lot of things I think are feelings, and I need to try to incorporate more thinking into there, more of the rational side of me. But I get freaked out with that and think I have to be done NOW and I have to figure it out all at once. It's so hard to trust the process. And I just am so freaked out, I can't wait to see him tomorrow.
> How's your T. feeling? Mine has his arm in a sling, which I hate looking at, but he swears he's okay. I wish peace and warmth for you - and your T., too, actually.**** He's back at work, and he's doing better. But it's so hard.
-sd
poster:sunnydays
thread:750536
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/750821.html