Posted by gazo on April 13, 2007, at 7:25:30
as painful as it all was to leave S, i think M is a better T for me. If i had met them the other way around it would have been a totally mismatched thing. But i am in the right head space for this new guy.
i like him tremendously.
i think i will end up being attracted, but not sexually or romantically...i don't know what it is. It doesn't feel parental either. Is there some other kind of name for it? i think it's more like a sort of dependent attachment. i don't want to possess him in any way. i don't try or hope to run into him anywhere...and i think i'd be upset if he were attracted to me.
i do want him to like me, and i do want him to care about what happens to me. i think that is reasonable isn't it?
i think for me the attachment becomes me not wanting them to abandon me.
He is really good though. He said he knew i was still testing the relationship...without me even saying it. He threw out a Simpson's reference, which gave him a BIG bonus point with me... meaning he can connect to my frame of reference.
He makes me laugh too... and has been able to catch me off guard, which is very valuable.
this past week when i was doing so poorly, he was very focused on me... didn't even take notes, he just stayed engaged with me the whole time. He didn't let me hang in silence too long.. he met me part way.
he makes me feel like maybe, just maybe somebody could possibly reach in here...
the stuff my pdoc said though... triggered me all over the place. He didn't know and i didn't tell him. It was a bad session. i left feeling like maybe i was being stupid for being in therapy at all.
i think switching to weekly will help me a lot. i feel calmer knowing i don't have to hold it all in for an extra week. i need to establish even delicate trust.
anyway... thanks for listening to me guys. You are all very supportive.
much love and peace
poster:gazo
thread:749459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/749459.html