Posted by gazo on April 10, 2007, at 17:45:04
In reply to Thank you Gazo » gazo, posted by muffled on April 10, 2007, at 11:11:41
muffled..? are you IWS? i missed something didn't i?
thanks guys. i haven't been here long but you guys are important to me right now. in the past few weeks i came here when i was climbing the walls.
i'm not all there right now.. shaky.
i have a "situation" developing that i can't do anything about. i can't stop it or prevent it. It has to happen and it's out of my hands. It's that situation that is driving me insane right now. i can't sleep and when i do i have nightmares. i wake up with tension headaches. i have lost weight. i pace.
i have to say i am impressed with my T. i told him not to push me or i would just lie anyway and he said he'd figured as much. He really did push to know how at risk i was and i promised i would not end up dead before he saw me again. i wouldn't promise anything else.
i stared at my hands in my lap the whole appt. It was hard to talk. words went away.
he switched my appointments to weekly. i'm just going to have to figure it out... and as of a week from today i don't have a job anymore. :o(
he explained to me what his policies about calls are... so now i have that as a resource.
unfortunately.. i left his office @3pm... and was completley drunk before 6pm. i don't drink everyday and for a long time i rarely drank. Now though i just can't take the pressure.. i'd do anything to escape it. i figure better drunk than dead...
my life is pathetic. i am not entirely sure why i am alive at all. i almost died once years ago. not sure why i survived. i don't have many friends. My family lives very far away and i rarely see them. who would care?
i often wonder how long i would be missing before anyone would even notice. yes, my life is really that sad.
don't worry. i made a promise. Promises are very important to me. i will get by. i am just not feeling very good right now.
thanks to everyone for the love.
poster:gazo
thread:748674
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/748833.html