Posted by Racer on April 5, 2007, at 16:03:24
In reply to I'm trying hard to not get upset, posted by Deneb on April 5, 2007, at 0:44:46
> Wish me luck. I'm trying to break maladaptive ways of interacting. I want to be a better person.
Deneb, you don't have to be a "better person" -- you just have to learn that Deneb is Good Enough, just exactly as she is. That doesn't mean that learning more adaptive coping strategies isn't a good thing, since they are likely to lead to a happier Deneb, but I ache for you when I see you equating that to being somehow a "better person." There's nothing at all wrong with you, just as you are, except that you haven't yet perfected those new coping skills. You're working on it.
Besides, you can't be perfect, you know? You'd show me up. ;-)
>
> I will cry, but I'll try my hardest to say happy things. Me being upset upsets others, so I will try to be happy.If you're unhappy, there's no reason to try to say happy things, Deneb. That's not genuine, not authentic, and it doesn't do anyone any good. The trick I think you're working on learning, though, is how to use your voice more effectively to communicate your distress. And you're working on it, and doing well.
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> I have to think about other people.
>
> Deneb*Deneb, you don't *have* to do anything. And if you mean you have to think about pleasing others, or getting approval from others, or anything like that, then I don't think you do need to do it. I think you'd be happier, though, if you could figure out who you are. I get the feeling you are kinda like a chameleon, trying to blend in with other people, in order to get their approval, or feel close to them. That's not going to make you happy, though. I think getting to know yourself would do a lot more to making you happier.
And that includes exactly what you've done here -- AGAIN! You've said you're upset, and that you're working on doing something about it. Congratulations! And guess what? You've gotten some nice responses, from IWS and PhytoEstrogen. (I won't presume that this is a nice response.)
You done good, Deneb. You're living up to your name.
poster:Racer
thread:747120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/747275.html