Posted by Daisym on March 21, 2007, at 1:39:45
In reply to More Dreams, posted by Daisym on March 16, 2007, at 10:13:35
OK - the dreams.
Talking about the details was hard -- because he thought certain elements were important. Like: what kind of sex, who was where, that kind of stuff. At first I said, "we were having sex" and didn't want to tell details so he said "we were just going at it and I died?" -- I flinched and said, "yes, either I was very good or very bad." I didn't like his choice of words, but it did make me coughed up more of the details. He asked me if I felt powerful in the dreams, and that really wasn't it.
We agreed that my fear of hurting him was a big part of the dreams. Sex symbolizes a merging and I'm afraid of how deep I'm taking him into my memories. And I've been afraid of losing him, especially since there *was* a death in my family. Sex also is forbidden in our relationship, just like telling is forbidden- and the fear is that someone will die if I tell (me? my mom? my dad?) He sees this as me convincing him to have sex with him (to listen) because *I* will die -- and that is OK with me. But it turns out that listening to my stories (having sex with me) kills him instead.
And then we turned it around to me being all the parts in the dream and it is essentially the same. I'm killing off the part of me that is more and more accepting of the younger parts and pieces. And I'm getting to know myself more intimately (sex) and this is terrifying.
AND THEN -- he wanted to know if I had fantasies of what having sex with him would be like -- was there any part of the dream that indicated that it was pleasurable? Color me red -- but he was gentle and genuinely interested so it wasn't that hard to talk about. He has said before that we've done what lots of people never do who are having sex - we are intimate with each other and he knows that I need someone to go slow and be very, very tender, because he knows my history. And he reassures me that he will never demand anything from me, that we are talking about a fantasy and it is safe to talk about it. (easy for him to say!)
And about the picture -- he knows how much it meant to me so he gave me a new one and wrote on the back, "always feel me with you" and signed his name. So I'm good to go, for a little while, anyway. :)
poster:Daisym
thread:741579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/742709.html