Posted by Scentedgarden on January 30, 2007, at 7:05:14
In reply to Re: What did she say?..when you told her you love » Scentedgarden, posted by LadyBug on January 29, 2007, at 22:52:32
hi ladybug
thanks for sharing i appreciate it ALL so much!
i know its hard follong the long posts i wrote, sorry..
she is weaning me off, thats why its 5 weeeks gap then an appt then 6 weeks gap then appt 7, 8, and then a 6 months follow up which takes me to nexr cristmas.
we are nhs, she has to work to her contract with me. we have had almost 4 yrs together. so that will take it to 4 and a hlaf years ..by the end.
if im allowed to see her , as now i have told crisis care, that work along side the psychologist to give supposrt to patients in between (but they are not very much help) yesterday i was suicidal and so scared i rang thm up and told them i had been having bad dreams and i was the victim of an accidental suicide, ALL FOR A MISUNDERTSNADING IN MY THERAPY!!!! they will HAVE to tell her, they have to by law share the info...so she will know something is up.
i only saw her last tuesday, one week ago - i have 4 more weeks till 27th feb, and by that time i dont know what will happen. as i also went to my GP last night he gave me some drugs to calm me down which i have not yet taken...as i didnt get the prescription fullfilled yet from the pharmacy...anyway i told him my therapy is very hard for me,as my therpaist is trained in CBT, not psychodynamic, and that i have been saying things to protect her from feeling hurt..but now is is TOO much for me to bear.In light of this he may tell her this and decide i had best not see her at all ever. but i dont know im only guessing all possible outcomes.
today i woke up and burst out crying again so i prayed and went back to sleep, as i was really feeling the best thing to stop the pain is to die... my inner child was crying, mummy help me, i want to die!! i love my therpaist on so manny levels, she has been everything to many pasrts of me. a friend , a mum, a lover in my sexual fantasy...
Ladybug, thats for sharing ...Im so gratefuk to anyone who will take a minut or 2 of heir time to help me here. Its wonderful you have such a loving relationship with your therapist. that is just not an option for nhs...no way they see someone that long unless its severe mental illness... this is just the way it is. She NEVER would practise privately, she is very high up consultant. and she has just got married...she has everythign i want EVERYTHING!
I cant even sign my name as i dont feel like a scentedgarden now.
bye
poster:Scentedgarden
thread:727533
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/728006.html