Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 15, 2007, at 19:03:29
In reply to Re: Sorry Dinah -- - -Dinah, posted by Honore on January 15, 2007, at 18:05:43
Hi Dinah,
Ask yourself about a time in the past when you felt more satisfied with your life. What were you doing differently back then? Are there any ways that you can recreate favorable aspects of that time in your life?I don't want to presume to know your motivations/reasons for announcing your choice. I just wanted to say that it reminds me of what my husband does when he feels under pressure. If he is feeling angry and trapped and I am asking him to change something-- hypothetically speaking that he needs to be more of a "supportive listener" and not always try to solve my problems, for example. His response will be "Fine, I'm never going to give you advice again. I won't tell you what you need to do. I will be the best listener ever. I'm never going to try to solve your problems, 'cause you don't want me to...etc." I have to remind him that he's going to an extreme, and that I would never want him to go to such an extreme. All I was asking for was that in this *particular* situation, right now he could respond differently etc. etc... inevitably we will bicker and argue for another 15 minutes to try and find some compromise between him giving me advice and no compassion and from him "never ever giving me any advice EVER again."
I am confident that you will be able to find a more neutral position regarding the balance between work responsibilities, mental health reponsibilities, and family responsibilities.
It's also important to figure out whether you are ACTUALLY responsible for certain things.
Sometimes we feel that we MUST do something, but actually the world would continue to revolve if we only did 80% or if we found a way to get others to help us with some of it. Sometimes the horrible horrible feeling of failure is because we hold ourselves to a far higher standard than others hold us to. People who truly love you, and who know your presence to be irreplacable will understand if you need to taper back on some of the tasks that you usually take on.
For instance, your work has some flexibility in terms of where you can work, and how many exact hours you work each day. There is little flexibility around your deadlines, however. So, maybe it might be time to propose to your boss that it would be in the best interests of the company if you had someone to help you with some of the more tedious stuff. Tell yourself realistically how many hours you work for this company, and how much time is wasted to anxious rumination and waiting for the waters of rage to boil dry.
Look at other people in the company. Do any of them have jobs you envy? Do any of them have lives that you envy? Do any of them seem to have the "balance" that you crave? Are there any people around who can do your job like you do? How indispensible are you?
Are you stuck in a rut because it's easier to go to work on a day-to-day basis while ignoring the long-term consequences? Are you bound to your job, your company because you've made promises you're not sure how to break?
Uncertainty is a very scary thing. Stepping out of a rut can feel like stepping off a ledge, and breaking a promise often feels like breaking someone's heart. But Dinah, you are only a PERSON. repeat, Dinah is a HUMAN BEING. She can only take so much, and sometimes priorities change.
I think you are a much braver person than you acknowledge. You will need bravery as you make these big decisions. yes, it may unsettle you, but you should not get settled in a place where you get progressively more bitter and more dissatisfied. You work to live. You only have one life.
-Ll
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:721761
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/722651.html