Posted by Daisym on January 9, 2007, at 22:49:08
I'm refusing to help myself. I don't take any of the suggestions my therapist offers that are designed to help ease the loneliness and frustration between sessions. Instead I'm angry with him for "leaving" me alone with all of this. He said I'm protesting because it just isn't enough, I want him for real right now. Am I? I'm not usually so obvious in my self-sabotage.
We've been talking off and on, about my frustration with therapy and about how disconnected I am from everything. And then I turn around and cry for whole sessions about how much I need him and everything hurts. I push him away and then reach out in desperation. He said it is OK to be angry at him, but I don't want to be. He doesn't deserve my anger. I told him I *think* the anger is really jealousy or it is loneliness and despair dressed up in anger's costume. Sometimes I'm angry at him because he can't change what happened to me -- he can't really rescue me. I told him today that knowing and feeling his caring makes it a 1000 times worse when I'm alone. And then I told him I didn't feel his support anymore.
He said I'm abandoning him before he can hurt me or leave me. Is that really it? Have I no trust in him after all this time that he won't do that to me?
I feel horrible. Someone tell me what is going on here.
poster:Daisym
thread:720957
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/720957.html