Posted by mair on January 5, 2007, at 22:30:30
In reply to Re: My T just called me » mair, posted by Daisym on January 3, 2007, at 1:28:49
I don't know whether I'm strong so much as I'm not totally vulnerable, or at least I'm a little more stable. Those feelings that I get of being totally overwelmed and on the verge of falling apart come and go, but at least they do go away.
I saw my T today for the first time since she started chemo. I was supposed to see her again next week, but she called a couple of days ago and left me a message that she was going to start back today and that she had some time for me if I wanted it. It was pretty strange - at another time I would have jumped at the opportunity and I would have felt unsettled until I at least returned her call. She left 3 messages for me over the course of 2 days before I got back to her. I wasn't sure what I wanted and didn't feel this sense of immediacy about seeing her. I'm glad I went ahead and took her up on her offer of a session today. She didn't look quite as awful as I thought she might (which was reassuring) and we talked some about how best to use therapy sessions when therapy is so disrupted, and about my tendency to keep things to myself more when I'm not seeing her as frequently. Something has to be pretty uppermost and very very recent for me to open up easily, which is why more frequent sessions are more helpful. She has 7 more chemo sessions to go, and I got clear in my mind, for the first time, just what sort of a schedule might work for the next several months. If all goes well, I think we'll be able to meet 3 times between chemo breaks which provides me some continuity.
The upshot of my new years resolution dilemma was just to hold onto the vague notion of trying to keep all of the resolutions, without really devoting myself to any one of them. Unfortunately, this probably means that nothing will happen. Exercise is the toughest nut to crack although probably the most important. The last time i joined a club, I never went and the dues proved to be the biggest waste of money. Outdoor exercise is tough in the winter because even though this winter has been more like spring, it's still dark when I leave work.
mair
poster:mair
thread:694187
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/719724.html