Posted by Scentedgarden on December 7, 2006, at 8:50:22
In reply to Re: Unexpected reaction*** Trigger**, posted by vwoolf on December 6, 2006, at 13:50:49
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>> My t told me she had actually been shocked by her own reaction, that there had been no pretence.
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> And I began to realize how unreal I feel in the world. I never fully feel anything, there's always half of me watching and criticising, and I expect others to be playing a part all the time.
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> I have spent the last year writing a book. Yesterday a gremlin in my computer devoured the file, and I have no backup. I have had no reaction. It's as if it didn't happen.
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> But I didn't tell my t about these two major things today. We talked about the other incident, when she got angry. An abstraction.
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> She goes on leave on Friday.
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> In the last few days I have felt hopeless. In fact I spent last weekend writing farewell letters to my family. The gremlin in my computer deleted these files as well.
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> I now feel stuck.
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> My t has offered to speak to a colleague who can support me while she's away if things get too rough. She has offered telephonic contact.
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> I really don't know if I want anything at all. I feel so tired. I don't know what to do.
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> I don't know what I want by writing these things here either. I just need to put these feelings somewhere. I'm sorry.
> Hello there, I have just read your posts, and I wanted to say you have moved me a great deal..Thank you for sharing as you have, so honestly, and completely...I can't tell you how what you ahve said in the last few lines above has made an impact on my own life...!
Sometimes we don't know why we share, I feel that way about what I share sometimes...But I know you have said things about not feeling things completely that has struck a nerve with me...Or a chord, I should say, as it doesnt hurt..!
Anyway, if you are interested in my tupence worth ...I strongly suggest you take her offer of telephone contact..!!
You have a huge rapport with this woman, or so it looks to me, so even phone contact with her should be a million times better than face to face with a strange person, all be it a well meaning collegue..
I have spoken often to my T when I couldnt see her and it's made a difference...! Actually It can be easier for me at least to talk without the disctraction of looking into her eyes, and she has been able to comfort and help me , and listen just as well...even when i been angry with her...she never 'hung up' on me...
You seem to have an excellent thrapist who genuinely cares about you ...genuine professional care, and to my mind she ould be the one to talk to even though she is on leave from tomorrow, as she will be able to make you feel better about the elted files and your husbands health news just by listening to you, and by you sharing it with her, because you know her...if you see what I mean.
Those are two fairly huge issues, if I had written a book for a year and lost it on pc I don't even know how I would react...so i think what you are doing is wonderful, and that you will be able to cope with all this, and maybe it has happened for a reason...
Sorry if i'm annoying you now, I hate it when people tell me things happen for a reason...
PLease can I ask what were the going away cards you ahd written to your family...Are you planning on 'going away' I dont know you from these boards oth4er than tody...But I sure hope that you will not hurt yourself..!!
Thanks soooooo much Woolfe for sharing everything...I really have had enormous help and insight into myself and my own probs by reading all this and i want to THANK YOU!!
I guess when it comes down to it, we are both 2 human beings in the room...One is paid to listen the other is listened to...But we are both just people with the same issues going on in our own lives...
But therapists are not allowed to be fully normal interections with us as they would someone in a pub/bar...so it's strsnge right off the bat...I think it's hardly any wonder we encounter these questions, and difficulties in so called 'transference' issues, but it doent make it any easier knowing all that...
I think the theraputic relationshiup by design envokes strong feelings...exactly the feelings that they are trained to avoid...lol
I hope you are well, and I wish you the very best with your days ahead...
sorry this was long..but please dont be sorry for anything you said, you dont have to apologise to us/me...I feel for you i really really do...GOD BLESS YOU >>> Take care.
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poster:Scentedgarden
thread:710608
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/711120.html