Posted by RN320 on December 6, 2006, at 13:24:19
In reply to Gift giving?, posted by All Done on December 1, 2006, at 23:05:51
I've read everyone's posts on this topic with great interest. I started therapy >5 years ago and have always remembered my therapist and pdoc with a gift at the holidays. It just never occurred to me NOT to.......so the first year when I brought a gift for my therapist, I was initially stunned when he got very awkward and told me that he had never accepted a gift from a patient before and that he didn't know if he could. I didn't feel rejected- I was really offended and told him that maybe he needed to dig deeper into his own issues on this topic. I also told him that he needed to understand that giving and accepting gifts are a part of life, and that they actually meet needs of the giver AND receiver. I then suggested that if he was uncomfortable in accepting a gift that he should just suck it up and say a simple "thank you" as that's all that's required. He looked kind of embarassed, and then told me a story about when he was a student, and a mentally retarded child gave him a mug. He was threatened with expulsion from his doctorate program because he took the mug- feeling that it was the right thing to do because it was so important to the child. It made me realize that the educational process for a therapist must be somewhat damaging to the human psyche. He told me after the first year experience that I had taught him something valuable- that it's important to be able to accept an unconditional gift, which is what the holidays are supposed to be about. He's been very gracious every year since then.
My pdoc has never flinched at accepting a gift. His office is filled with stuff every year at the holidays, so he must be very used to it. He's Jewish, so I always get him a rather generic Hanukkah card. I feel that it shows that I acknowledge how important his faith is to him and even though I'm not Jewish myself, I don't feel strange about getting him a card to wish him a Happy Hanukkah, since that's the holiday he celebrates.
At the holidays every year I write each of them a personal note- telling them how much I appreciate their support, and mention what I feel that they brought to my life during that year. It does become challenging to be creative each year on what to get them. I have zero culinary talent, so baking is out of the question! I'm on a pretty tight budget, but personally, I like crystal. So, I've been able to shop around to find things like picture frames, clocks, votives/candles. This year it's crystal wine coasters with a gift certificate from a wine store. I don't know if this has ever crossed a boundary, and I never asked. Maybe I should have, based on some of the postings. I think that for now, I choose to remain ignorant. (I also figure that my therapist would probably be afraid that I'd toss something at him if he attempted to set a strict boundary in this one area since he heard my feelings loud and clear 5 years ago!)
This year will be very different for me with regards to my therapist, who became suddenly ill with a life threatening situation in November. He's a young guy, and it's a really tragic story, but the bottom line is that he's finally home and will now require a lot of therapy to see if he can fully recover. I don't know if he'll ever be able to practice again, but I've decided that I'll mail his gift to his home.
Good luck to you in finding the right something to express your feelings.
/m
poster:RN320
thread:709568
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/710901.html