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Re: got my first bill from newT today » Dinah

Posted by Lindenblüte on November 17, 2006, at 12:08:20

In reply to Re: got my first bill from newT today » Lindenblüte, posted by Dinah on November 17, 2006, at 11:11:56

Dear Lindenblüte,
congratulations on your depression. This is an exciting time in your life, a time when you can ponder all of the great existential dilemmas and yet cannot manage to brush your teeth.

You may be wondering- what are my options?
Well, research has shown that a combination of psychotherapy and medication is effective in treating depression. Some people may need long-term medication and psychotherapy to prevent recurrance of symptoms. Unfortunately, your health benefits do not include more than 10 weeks of therapy at your current rate of consumptions. Don't worry, though-- your neighborhood bookstore has a number of self-help books that will tide you over until your new policy year begins, and/or you cease to be a policy holder.

We have noticed that you are taking mood stabilizers and antidepressants. Have you ever thought about alternative therapies? These are available without a prescription, and while not approved by the FDA, they are much cheaper for us to not provide you with. These therapies include vitamins, exercise, fish oil, acupuncture, ice cream, divorce, and napping.

Whatever you decide, we are completely behind you at this exciting time of your life, as long as you stay within your policy maximum and avoid hospitalization, expensive prescriptions and long-term treatment.

Warm wishes for the upcoming holidays,
Your Insurance Megaconglomerate


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