Posted by Lindenblüte on November 8, 2006, at 14:09:17
Hi All, I'm going to post this on psychology, with the understanding that it's interdisciplinary. I'm still a relative new-comer to this whole thing, so please add or correct my post as you feel fit.
Thanks for reading.
***************************
Having to talk to someone about your stress or your life does not make you a weak or a bad person. You should talk to a T and/or a pdoc. They have been really good for me.It's important to figure out how much of your stress comes from things that are outside of your control, and how much of it may be created by having unreasonable expectations of yourself or others. How much of the anxiety you feel is actually caused by the situation "at hand", and how much of it is just a reaction, because the current situation "triggers" an emotional response to something that is in your past?
There are medicines available which will help you, and are much healthier and safer than suffering unchecked major anxiety, major depression, or self -medicating with alcohol or other drugs. As you know, stress is a major factor in how your body ages and responds to illness. It can be neurotoxic too, even before "self-medicating!"
There are a lot of behavioral tools you can use, but most require an investment of time and effort to learn. The time to learn them is BEFORE you have a problem, like now. Whatever you choose to do (exercise, (sex!!), meditation, guided imagery, yoga, CBT techniques) it should be a regular habit, even on days when you feel fine. It has to feel automatic and easy, or else it will cause too much additional cognitive load by the time you end up really needing it!
We are all human and we all have different reactions to stress. My personal reaction is dissociation. I turn off my feelings, numb my feelings, and ultimately in extreme circumstances I suffer full-out depersonalization, which I would not wish on my worst enemy. I only realized my pattern about 2 months ago. I even denied having pathological anxiety for the longest time. Well, I had a little crisis about 2 mos ago, and my doctor changed my meds, and now I'm doing much better.
Of course, only special people get to use dissociation as a coping mechanism. I've used it for so long that it's completely automatic and seamlessly integrated into my high-achieving life. I didn't even recognize that I did that! But it's not entirely healthy, because it leads to avoidance and denial of stress, rather than finding solutions and being proactive. (Apparently I cannot rely on husband to take care of EVERYTHING. damn). Other people experience somatization (husband gets insomnia and tummy troubles and muscle aches when he's stressed), or bouts of rage, or go into a depression (learned helplessness?) and others have ways of dealing that don't cause (m)any additional problems.
So, I've got to learn a new way of dealing with stress too. You're not the only one.
The first thing I learned how to do was avoiding known stressors. Sounds dumb, but I intentionally place myself into stressful circumstances (I check CNN and NYT too frequently, only to get anxious when I find out about the latest terror threat. I now avoid almost all news, and have taken those icons out of my browser toolbar. I get the weekly Newsweek, and that is enough current events for me.
Also, I have certain ways of creating drama so that people will react to me in a way that stresses me out. I push buttons. I have passive agression, etc.) This is probably because I'm an anxiety junkie. Gotta keep my heart jumping so I know I'm alive. Gotta keep procrastinating, because the only way to get things done is when the fire's burning my *ss. Doesn't work so well for a dissertation, unfortunately...!
Next is recognizing unknown stressors.
Next is recognizing things that are out of our control, and learning to accept them and accept having less [perceived] control over our lives.
Next is recognizing triggers that take us back to a time and place of stress- avoid the triggers, or learn to defuse them.
Next is dealing with one's past stressors. (haha- still working on that!)
Anyways, I have found a lot of help in each of these steps from various therapeutic treatments and lifestyle changes.
I'm still not sure what "dealing" with stress entails. Do I have to feel it to deal with it? Is recognizing it enough? I dunno.
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:701660
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/701660.html