Posted by Lindenblüte on October 23, 2006, at 11:27:24
Regarding communicating with my family:
I wish there were an easy way to say- don't call me, I don't want to talk to you or see you. I don't want to tell you why either. Just pretend like I don't exist, and I never existed. I'll let you know when I commence existing again.
I wonder when/if they will ever figure out that my current state of communicative isolation is a GOOD thing? Let me get it sorted out first. Really.
Me and T haven't even gotten started on how to understand communicating with my family, my role in my family, my role as an adult in my family, etc.
Can I just say that for now, my Mom's cheery voice (which I liked hearing as recently as 10 weeks ago) really stresses me out? And how hearing my Dad's voice makes me feel yucky, and that I finally understand some of the reasons why [aside from the "reason" that I am a bad person and a bad daughter].
I wonder when/if I'll ever be ready to start thinking about this. I think the folks are starting to suspect that I'm hiding something from them. Suddenly incommunicato regarding my Depression. Suddenly incommunicato regarding my future plans, my thesis, my [substitute anything of personal meaning].
I mean, we've all been pretending "All's Well that End's Well" for at least a decade. Now the daughter, the HEALTHY ONE, the one that never demanded anything, or ever got in trouble. The one that made parents feel like they done good. The one that is successful by any criterion-- is challenging that maxim.
but not yet...?
covertly,
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:696994
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061012/msgs/696994.html