Posted by Daisym on October 6, 2006, at 22:59:46
In reply to Thanks..., posted by Racer on October 6, 2006, at 20:27:04
Can we reframe this?
Perhaps it really doesn't matter if you "can" or "won't" -- perhaps it is simply a resource management issue. You only have a certain amount of energy available to you at any given time. We can agree that depression is a disease that saps energy (can't we?). Some days the disease is full blown and taking up huge amounts of energy. So we have to save the rest of the energy for things like breathing, and existing. Other days, it eases off and we can use the extra energy for things like getting dressed, or making dinner. And sometimes, the disease goes into remission -- and we have access to most of our energy.
It is frustrating to not be able to control the energy appetite of the disease. But we can't. I'm narcissistic enough to believe that I control lots of things, but even I know that the multitude of factors that effect body systems that are diseased (depressed) are unpredictable and erratic.
I think the answer is to order your priorities and try to not expend energy worrying about the things not at the top of the list - like breathing. Let it go - if only for today. Give yourself permission to put down the load for an hour, or 4 or even a whole day. That makes it a choice, a choice you can do.
Does this make any sense at all?
I think when we force ourselves to function at levels that deplete energy to the point of being bone dry, we get into trouble with suicidal ideation. At least for me, my biggest enemy at these time is being tired. I can't fight back without the energy.
poster:Daisym
thread:692309
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692566.html