Posted by Pfinstegg on September 23, 2006, at 22:39:14
In reply to Re: Just saying hello! » Pfinstegg, posted by littleone on September 23, 2006, at 18:16:15
Hello, littleone! You are exactly right. All of my unmet needs, from early times, especially, became so intense in my therapy, and they spilled right over to Babble, and other places. While I had been originally comfortable and interested with whatever level of give and take occurred here, I got terribly sensitive about whether my posts were answered, whether people understood me, whether they cared, etc. Because of where I was, emotionally, I was just going to be hurt by everything, even though no-one here ever actually said a hurtful word. They said a lot of great, supportive things, but it was never going to be enough for me- the way I was.
In analysis, we did a huge amount of work on this. My analyst was constantly encouraging me to bring up the feelings of my younger parts, and to explore and respect their needs. As to getting the needs met, we seemed to do it two ways. He is a very warm, attentive listener, and often just the listening make me feel like those very young needs were being met- often for the first time. He also says very helpful things in very genuine, tender tones, like, "let me contain all of your different parts" or "I'm here for you emotionally, not just in the room with you"- and lots of similiar phrases which seem to speak to the younger parts, and console them. I think some of these needs have really gotten met by him, and aren't as painful as they were.
There's another part, too. He is encouraging me to learn more and more about the feelings of my younger parts, and to befriend and console them, myself. This can be hard work, as they are sometimes angry and jealous of one another, and of me. I need to find out why they are feeling that way first, and respect it- then I can usuually offer some comfort. As my analyst says, "they are only with me an hour a day, but they're with you all the time!" So it's a two-pronged effort. Without the comfort my analyst has given me, I don't think I would be able to self-comfort nearly as well as I'm doing. I think I would just try to push the pain down, the way I used to. And we all know that doesn't work well at all!
Now that these needs don't feel so overwhelming and threatening, I'm finding it much easier to ask for things from other people- family members and friends. Before, I just used to give, but didn't feel that I should be given to. I guess I thought doing that would open up a floodgate! The floodgate finally got opened, and the flow of water is getting down to a reasonable level.
Very nice to hear from you.
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:686042
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/688564.html