Posted by James K on August 21, 2006, at 1:08:30
In reply to Re: can I just ramble for a while? » James K, posted by Racer on August 20, 2006, at 20:25:13
Hey Racer. I'm glad you ask.
I've been thinking about the what's and the why's lately. It is depression and alcoholism. Earlier today I was talking about maybe one of my old jobs, and the fact that I could have been a lawyer came to mind, and then it was "could have been" why not could be?
Because I'm scared. of things that might happen 6 months or 2 years from now. Of the failures I can predict.
I had great things (like every child) placed in front of me. Here's where the radical acceptance ideas come into play. (or Dinah's comments about parents or something).
I don't know. All I know is that I felt okay when I got drunk. Okay. I made a decision to pursue that line of life.
New line of thought.
My most recent psychiatrist from the clinic I was most recently in was in the local paper this week. I don't know. I'm going to keep typing. I apologize for the length and disjointed nature of this. I want to say something honest.
Everything I did was something wrong or failed I felt so low. So I escape by not feeling. Then I escape by going so low on purpose that no one can accuse me or destroy me.
Later, James
poster:James K
thread:678522
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/678644.html