Posted by bent on August 9, 2006, at 17:02:48
I am battling through some of the final, yet most painful parts of my csa experiences. My T knows that there is one particular thing I am not talking about. We assume I am not ready. My mind screams no, you will never tell. This incident makes me feel as bad as the person who abused me. I want to just fade to nothing when I think about it. So with a deep breath i will spill it here. It might get me closer to telling my T. Seems impossible. The person who did stuff to me occasionally had me touch his little sister. Oh my god, I feel like total scum. I touched her inappropriately because of his pressure. I didn’t want to I swear. I really really didnt. I felt so horrible; I remember the horrible guilty feeling as a child. If she remembers, I could be a monster in her eyes, an abuser. This overwhelms me. Why did I give into him? Did he make me a perp? He never made me penetrate her with objects/fingers. It was just light touching really. And he had her touch me. I believed he abused her all along as it just seemed so 'routine' to her. I feel like a horrible person. I want to delete this so badly. I think if I tell my T, a real life person, I am going hate myself even more. Someone will know what I did.
poster:bent
thread:675245
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/675245.html