Posted by Jost on August 7, 2006, at 12:15:33
In reply to Re: my psychiatrist appt » muffled, posted by kerria on August 6, 2006, at 0:19:44
Kerria, maybe you can talk to yourself, and tell yourself that whatever you did in the past, even if you regret it, or feel you were wrong, is something that you did for reasons that you may not remember fully, or even agree with. But at the time, they were powerful, and they may even have covered over other reasons, that you weren't aware of.
Usually, even the worst things have reasons. Of course, if you've hurt someone, or yourself, it's natural to feel remorse, guilt, and wish that you could undo it. And sometimes, it's important to take steps to recompense others, or to heal.
But most important, also, is forgiving yourself, and doing thing differently, as much as possible in the future.
You're working on your integration, and on handling the dislocations that memory lapses and parts doing things you, as a main stabilizing part, and the central 'You" don't know about, or agree with. That's taking a huge step.
You have to remind yourself, as much as you can, that you are doing all you can, that you deserve respect, peace, healing from pain, both mental and physical.
If you can give yourself those things, even for parts of a day, you're taking those important steps that will lead to a better time.
It sounds as if it's especially hard now, but you will make progress, and over time, you will come to at least a truce, and even someday, much closer working-together of parts that don't communicate now.
I know it's frightening, and must make you angry at times to have all this chaos, and not know what to do.
But you're doing such good work, even though it doesn't always shine through, and it will lead you to a better place. Try to remember that, no matter what.
Jost
poster:Jost
thread:674038
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/674534.html