Posted by Jost on July 12, 2006, at 3:58:25
In reply to Re: Dissatisfied with therapy today » Racer, posted by Daisym on July 12, 2006, at 0:53:36
Feeling depleted is hard-- losing the memory of all the things you do have and are--.
Whether it's stuff or personal characteristics, or recognition from other people, or life chances-- seeing how much other people have of whatever --is one of those things--- makes you feel more alone, helps you forget that everyone else wants so much that they don't have, too. There's always someone who's got more of whatever it is--with less effort== in fact, more of lots of things.
I went through a really bad period after graduate school, when I realized that I'd never get a job because I couldn't keep it together to go through the application/interview process. I partly wanted to change professions, but then I'd be starting from absolutely nowhere with no particular prospects if I did. And there were so many people who had jobs, income, respect, were rewarded for their work, etcetcetc. And I'd put a lot of myself into the whole gradschool/ academic thing.
Plus my parents had stood in the way of my developing these other skills when I asked for lessons as a kid-- even though they knew (they later said) that I had a special rightness in doing it and even was good at it. You look at kids whose parents go so far to help them pursue aspirations, and mine would only have had to give minimal support--
It's taken a long time to get over that-- somewhat-- to realize that just having the chance to do what I want-- even if with all the "buts"-- makes me lucky.
I don't know what makes it better for you, now. Maybe nothing willl but time and the working through of all that you're in the middle of.
Sometimes you have to accept the hardness-- and try to remember that you have something too.
Plus, I bet you aren't fat. Are you, really? And maybe you look good when you're what you consider overweight. Lots of people do, you know?
Jost
poster:Jost
thread:666234
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060703/msgs/666268.html