Posted by Karolina on July 2, 2006, at 1:53:57
In reply to Has anyone heard from Karolina?, posted by Jost on July 1, 2006, at 13:45:06
Thanks for asking about me jost. I’m sorry I haven’t been on here lately, work has been crazy and I’ve still been arguing back and forth with my boyfriend a whole lot...just a lot on my mind. I am very relieved to say that my T did not try to refer me elsewhere, in fact he was very encouraging about my feelings and explained some long thing about how we are making real therapeutic progress, because I’m using the relationship to connect to my real relationships and stuff.
But there is one thing I am terribly confused over. I hesitate to write on here about it, maybe I’m being over-paranoid but I just have this sickening feeling he is reading all about this and then looking at me thinking I’m a total moron.
We talked about my feelings for him. he jokingly said that if he were to say to me that 'he wants me sexually and suggest we run away together', then we’d end up on a show like 20/20. he also still talks about how he thinks of me like a daughter. but I told him I do *not* think of him as a father at all, but I think I explained it kind of harshly, he almost acted hurt after that, like his whole mood changed and he acted kind of depressed, it kind of worried me but I didn't ask him about it. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings somehow.But I don’t understand why he wants a 20 year old daughter when he already has his own 20 year old son…AND a 17 year old daughter. It also doesn’t make sense to me why he still gives me these ogling stares, asking me if I want to talk about my sexual fantasies and commenting on my ‘attractiveness', my body, and how ‘great’ I look. Or maybe all of his comments are within context of our conversations, but I really have no idea what to think.
I left the appointment feeling light-headed. I had just put so much pressure on myself, preparing myself for how to react if he was going to make a referral. And every time he compliments me it just gives me this total rush.
Since he gives all those stares, occasionally glances at my breasts and legs, the comments/compliments, the rare, yet intense hugs we've had, the things we talk about (sometimes very sexual) I don’t know if he is just using the ‘paternal feelings’ as a cover-up and doesn’t want me to know he feels sexual towards me or if he really does see me only in a daughterly way...or if it’s some odd combination of both. it’s very confusing to me. thanks you guys for checking on me, hope everyone is doing well and sorry I haven’t been around lately-Karolina-
poster:Karolina
thread:663271
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060623/msgs/663393.html