Posted by orchid on June 22, 2006, at 12:13:18
In reply to ANXIETY about session yesterday *SA-trigger*, posted by B2chica on June 22, 2006, at 10:02:01
> well it seems like everyone had a cr@ppy day yesterday. i'm going to just add to that. i had session and everything after just got worse. my anxiety has been at a stable 7-8, non stop, nausea and all (on top of normal nausea). can't eat anything, terrible sleep last night.
> we didn't talk about 'mother' and Thank GOD for that. there's just no way i can handle that right now. but we talked a little more about the SA's in high school. and how i know the second time it was a SA, because forced oral sex isn't considered r@pe, and the first time since i froze and have SO many 'what if's' that i told her i just don't see it as r@pe, and basically a big screwup on my part. we talked a little more about it but i really pushed the subject aside-stating if it had happened to someone else i would see it as such but not me...etc. (being very stubborn like i am). well, she kind of left it alone and tried to pull me out of it since she noticed i was going down hill in session. (which btw onyl last a STUPID 45 minutes!!) how's that enough time for me? it's not and yesterday proved it.
> now ALL i can think about is finding out how she 'classified' what happened. i'm TOTALLY obsessed about it. and i think because the last two T's i did tell were both male and without me even asking they called it r@pe. well, in my life the most critical and uncaring persons have been female, so i really want to know a female perspective, i've got anger inside about it. i'm almost daring her to tell me it was nothing, that's what i expect. but truthfully (to you all) i'm dying inside i will just fall apart if she really says that 'it was whatever it felt like to me" meaning it wasn't really r@pe just my blown up exaggeration that made it so.
> i know i've discussed what happened with you all and i think the consensus here was r@pe. but i guess i'm just waiting for that 'mother' figure to say, no it wasn't, you asked for it, you got yourself in that situation, it's your stupid mistake and NOW you need to just live with the consequences!"
>
> i've been SO filled with anxiety i called her (T) first thing this morning and told her i really needed to talk with her for a couple minutes when she could give me a call. i'm still waiting and every minute seems like an hour. i know she probably won't want to give me an answer over the phone but i can't afford another session this week and it is INHUMAN to make me wait until next week!
> i need an answer over the phone, now! does she think it was or wasn't? that's all i need to know. it's not like she's going to give me an answer i haven't heard before, or haven't run over in my mind a million times. i just want HER take on it.
>
> uuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
> i'm going to explode!
> baby's probably running a marathon inside with all this anxiety!
>
> i'll post when i hear from her.
> i know what i want to hear now, and i'm scared to death i won't hear it. i think that's why i didn't want her to call it anything the other day. i was flat out afraid she would say it wasn't anything, so instead i just stopped her from saying anything.
> stupid stuipd stupid
>
> b2c
Hi B2C,I really think you should not get into triggering issues during pregnancy. It just creates havoc for the child inside. Mom's emotions during pregnancy play a huge role in shaping up the child - (atleast from my country's cultural sayings and religious quotations), and I really don't want you to feel triggered or panic ed or painful during this time.
I am surprised that your T is trying to look at even these things during this time. I feel you should save all this for much later, and now just do a very superficial and probably spaced out therapy and keep yourself happy. You were doing much better couple of weeks back, and I hate to see you becoming emotional during this time.
If I were you, I would want my T only to talk about things like how the pregnancy is going etc during this time, and I would not even touch any deeper issue. In fact, I even feel it would be better for the child if you don't read babble tooo much. Read some nice and funny baby message boards, and take a break from babble. OR come to babble only when you need help, and don't read the threads here. IT is so important to your baby's health that you be happy and devoid of any negative thoughts or feelings.
My 2 cents.
poster:orchid
thread:660107
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/660138.html