Posted by happyflower on June 19, 2006, at 15:05:27
It was a good session HHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! LOL
First of all I said I was sorry for taking my anger out on him in the past months, it wasn't fair for him to be at the brunt of my anger that I have. Then he started to say one of his many lines that I have heard SOOOOO many times I have them memorized. He started to say something to the effect of our relationship is "practice" for my real life relationships. Well I started to finish what he was going to say, and I did it in a mocking sarcastic way. Plus I said blah, blah, blah, (pause) BLAH!!!! LOL. Well he said I was being mean. He was right, so I said well sorry again in a sheepish way. But he was smiling. LOL I asked him if he was going to say what I thought, and he said yes. Heehee. He said isn't it great to come here and get beaten up, and I said yeah, and I pay for THIS???? But actually I think I beat him up more than he does to me.We talked about my sleep sex thing and he has never heard of it before. He said he would look it up. He thinks this makes me interesting, HAAAAA! yeah, right, in a pyscho way, I am sure!
We talked a lot more about my experiences. We even touched about masterbation! holey moley! Because I guess some people do this in their sleep. Well he said that was more normal than having sex in your sleep. He said masterbation is like sucking your thumb in your sleep or scratching an itch in your sleep, but having sex in your sleep is odd. I am like how many years have you been doing therapy, and leave it up to me to be the weird one. But he made me feel better about this and not feel like a freak.Then we talked about repressed memories and about my memories of abuse that came about in the last year. We talked about disssociation during abuse. He said ya, I dissociated during abuse, but the memory of me pretending to not be a part of my family wasn't dissociation, because I was aware of doing it. It was more of like a fantasy. I guess normally when you have DID, you are not usually aware of the spliting. So he doesn't think I have DID, you all were right about that. He thinks the fact that I remember my brother getting abused, I probably did too, but I used dissociation to block it out. The memory that was triggered from my burn accident, he thinks was a recovered memory. He believes that it did happen, but he said it would never hold up in court because it is hard to confict someone on a recovered memory. He said all of this shows how intense the abuse I received from my mother was. We talked a lot about memories and how they are formed and it all tied in to what I have learned from my Psch class. I think this class has given me so much, because I can understand on a different level and he can talk to me in a different level than before.
So my next question is how do we work on all of this? I said that I feel good then something happens and then I go nuts again and I keep going back and forth. He said I am doing much better, and i said that I didn't think I was. He said well maybe I am holding myself up to a different standard. He said the fact that I am identifying with this stuff and asking about this stuff is a good thing. He said I am recovering much quicker than before and the level of mood swings are less dramatic. I guess I have to think about that one. I asked him if he was trying to implant that memory into me, because it wasn't how I remember being 1 1/2 years ago. LOLAs I was leaving I told him this is my last week of classes and he asked if I was going to get an A like I wanted. I said yeah, I think so. He told me congratuations. I see him next week on Fri. 11 days.
So we talked a lot, and I feel so much better about all of this. I think he wants to do EMDR again on me. I am not so sure, but if he thinks it will help I am open to it. But mainly I felt we were back to normal and I feel I can continue to work with him. I actually am smiling today. But I need to get back to studing! Thanks everyone for your support. :-)
poster:happyflower
thread:658741
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/658741.html