Posted by littleone on June 12, 2006, at 21:56:29
In reply to Re: Lurking instead of posting (Larry Muffled) » littleone, posted by Daisym on June 8, 2006, at 20:08:10
Okay, I wrote a whole book in reply to this and there's no way I'm putting everyone through that. So this is the very condensed version. Still very long.
> You said you've been working on some of this "stuff" in therapy and I'm so glad you are beginning to talk to your therapist directly and not just on paper. What a huge step. Can I ask how you got into therapy at all, since you have such a hard time talking? And boy, am I impressed that you stuck with it, and your theraist stuck with it, during this long "writing" phase. I hope you are proud of yourself too.
The main reason I made it to therapy was The Accident.
Work provided a few free councelling sessions after it happened and I got referred on to various T's. By the time I understood The Accident was the least of my worries, I was with a real blank slate type T.
It was just awful. I couldn't talk to him at all besides "yes", "no" and "I don't know". He just wasn't flexible enough to find a way to communicate with me so we would end up with painfully empty sessions. After 9 months with him he still didn't know a thing about me.
Meanwhile my driving was getting worse and worse, my anxiety over everything was skyrocketing and I was basically ready to just break down and give up on life altogether. As bad as therapy had been, I knew there was no way I could cope by myself.
So I got another referral. This time to my current T. He stopped my fall and has held my hand ever since.
He's so flexible and creative. When it was apparent that talking wasn't working, he got me writing. That was the only way he came to know me. Whenever I wouldn't hand over what I'd written, he'd keep at it til I did. He gets round all my excuses.
And he's just worked constantly and tirelessly on building a relationship and making things safer for me.
He had me drawing for a while. We've written notes back and forth during our sessions. We played cards for a while. He gives me letters and I've got his hanky. We look through photos I've taken. I now sit on the floor tucked into a corner beside his chair. He's recently started sitting on the floor with me.
I think it's all been adding up, but when he sat on the floor with me, it was like my walls just fell down. Some are still up, but there are big gaps in them now that I can talk through.
He's a wonderful T. He has actually made me feel safe and accepted, which is just ... miraculous.
PS I should clarify that when I say I talk now, I'm certainly no chatterbox. And the conversation certainly doesn't flow smoothly. On rare occasions words fall out of my mouth, but usually they have to be pushed out. There's still long silences as I think things over. I have to really work myself up to ask a question. That sort of thing.
But the very fact that I'm talking at all is a huge step forward.
poster:littleone
thread:654273
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/656223.html