Posted by Reggie BoStar on June 10, 2006, at 12:07:03
Hi All,
I wrote an earlier post about CBT failure to help alleviate severe depression.I had my first bout of severe depression when I was 10, inspired by a few traumas that year. When I finally got old enough to receive actual treatment other than scolding and "snap out of it" nonsense, I tried everything - psychodynamic, medications, Electro-convulsive, CBT, etc, etc. The latest was CBT. Nothing worked, and as a special bonus I became an alcoholic along the way. After a lifetime of being alone with all this, I've about run out of strength to stay alive.
Now two things have happened, the first of which I suspected would always be the one to tip the scales:
1. I'm way too interested in someone I shouldn't be - I'm just too far below the radar of a beautiful, fantastic genius. I knew I'd be crazy to get this interested, but I can't just switch that sort of emotion on and off when I want to. I've been doing this all my life, until now I'm still alone and finally out of strength to deal with it again.
2. I just found out that my impending retirement is gone - the funds and equity I thought were there have mostly evaporated with no warning.
These are both making me desperate to pick up and just drink myself to death. Doesn't look like a fun way to go if I let it happen by itself.
Evidently it's going to be the usual adolescent heartbreak (that's my level of emotional development, what luck) for a stupid old bastard who can't do that again, and skid row living without money.
Sorry to vent, I needed to unload about CBT again. The new stuff was added because sh*t has happened at the worst possible time.
poster:Reggie BoStar
thread:655239
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/655239.html