Posted by Tamar on June 7, 2006, at 4:40:51
In reply to Therapy tomorrow morning (TRIGGER), posted by Tamar on June 6, 2006, at 17:08:47
I arrived on time for my appointment. His car wasn’t there, but he’s often a few minutes late so I didn’t worry about it. I told the receptionist I was there to see him. She asked me to sit in the waiting area. I waited for about ten minutes and then the receptionist came over and told me my therapist had been held up but that he was on his way. I said that was fine. About twenty minutes after my appointment time he came into the building and apologised. So we started working together about five minutes after that.
And he said, “I apologise for being late. You know, I didn’t have my diary with me last week and I forgot to write your appointment into it.”
I actually laughed. I told him, “Well, now I need access to your unconscious.” I’d been thinking last night: He didn’t have his diary with him last week. What if he forgot to write my appointment in it? What if he made an appointment without someone else and we have to toss a coin or something?” So I told him I’d thought those things but I hadn’t seriously thought he would forget.
And then I felt like crying but somehow I managed not to. And we talked it through and he admitted he’s damaged our relationship. But we both agreed that we want to repair it. I told him I felt very alone; I felt as if my suffering is meaningless and no one else cares about it (even though I know that people do care very much). I told him I felt very hopeless and I wasn’t sure it was worth continuing, but that I always find some way to get up and keep going.
He asked me what I thought it would take to begin to make things better. I told him I didn’t know; he’d asked me the same thing last week and I’d thought about it but could only come up with facetious and silly answers and couldn’t think of anything realistic. (I wonder if he would hug me... Nah. Unlikely.)
It was a hard session.
But the funny thing is I actually feel a little bit better at the moment because I’m certain now that there’s something going on with him. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know if it has anything to do with me, but I’m pretty sure he won’t be able to pretend to himself that nothing is wrong. So I’m hoping that this will make him deal with it in some way or other. I guess in the meantime we have some hard work ahead of us.
Sigh.
poster:Tamar
thread:653736
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/653927.html