Posted by Larry Hoover on May 16, 2006, at 11:24:45
In reply to I feel so sh*tty today, like a loser, posted by happyflower on May 16, 2006, at 10:14:06
> I HATE my parents for what they have done to me. I didn't realize that I am still living the effects of all that horrible abuse.
I'm sorry you feel this way. It makes me very sad to know you do.
It takes time. Time to understand that what was normal for you, back then, was not typical. It was not healthy. It was not capable of teaching you how people support one another. It was not capable of teaching you boundaries. It failed to prepare you for your sexuality. It failed to encourage you to be your true unique self.
It takes time to grieve.
It is normal to cry when one grieves. It is normal to feel sh*tty during grieving. You grieve your lost childhood. You grieve the delayed formation of your identity.
When you come into awareness of what was lost, it inevitably takes you to the pain.
You won't ever forget what happened. But you can and will develop healthy living patterns, despite what happened.
There is no book out there that will teach you what you didn't learn, back then. There is no guidebook to life. We're all like that, though. We're all struggling to make sense of life.
For me, that was also part of the grieving. After feeling so different from everybody, after feeling an almost fatal uniqueness, you come to realize that behind the faces of what we thought were healthy people all around us, you come to realize that everybody is totally f*cked up. We all are. We all struggle to be human. I had to grieve the realization that I'm not especially messed up after all. What I feel is normal for a human to feel, considering what happened.
And, because I have choices, I also grieve that I treated others in the messed up ways I was taught, back then. Until I realized, that I no longer did so. I think that's where the healing comes. When I can treat others as I wish to have been treated myself, I can end the pain. It ends there. Because the "inner child" acknowledges the changes.
I have no idea what I just said. I hope you feel less sh*tty now.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:644684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060505/msgs/644713.html